Throwback Thursday: Love is Love, the More the Merrier

Ok so background…this blog was posted on another platform June 13th 2014. At the we were living in Lake Elsinore, California. This is one post that I don’t intend to add much into the meat of it , but expand upon it….it has withstood the test of time.

A post I read on the internet today got me thinking. (I wish I had mentioned what the post was) In the end I came to the conclusion that I am very proud of my maternal extended family. (I am also very proud of my paternal family as well, for many reasons, but this one applies as well) As a child I never quite understood just how amazing they were at unconditional love, but as an adult their love astounds me. 

You see our family is truly a mixed bag. We have different professions, politics, interests, etc. However it goes deeper than that. We are also made up of a vast mix of DNA sequences. Meaning that we are not all “Blood” relatives. You might be thinking that this is true of many families. Of course the people who marry are not blood relatives (well hopefully not). I mean to say that some of the children that entered this family were not “blood”, but my family taught me that blood doesn’t matter. Love does. 

I have seen many people discuss how families coming together in this way can be a disaster. Unfortunately I think most of the time this is true. We fail to see past the blood lines and forget that a human being is there. My family never made significant differences between the genetically linked relatives and the non genetically linked ones. This led to what I believe to be a beautifully cohesive and loving family. Oh of course we have our disputes and our problems, but at the end of the day we love and care for one another deeply. 

A family is not just made by the combining of DNA sequences, but also by the acceptance and love towards one another. 

We are not perfect, but I am so proud to call these people my family. I wish that I had understood as a child and teenager just how magical their love is. 

This is so true and I want to elaborate on it. My mothers biological father was tragically taken in a car accident when my grandmother was pregnant. The man who took his place, who raised 2 bonus daughters as if they were his own blood, is an amazing father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. As an adult I have so much respect for the fact that he has never once made any of us feel lesser. Even after he and my grandmother divorced, there was never any thought of us being less of a family. His new wife has joined the family with just as much patience and love with our crazy crew.

After this divorce, my grandmother married a man who has also been one of the best grandfathers a girl could ask for. I have so many fond memories of jogging with him, golfing, and working around the family motel. I used to tell people I was so lucky…I had six amazing grandparents and while some are no longer with me, I appreciate every second I have had with them.

I also had various “uncles” who were great men that came into our life in various ways. I still remember my Uncle Manuel teaching me about photography. He would bring books to me and helped inspire a lifelong hobby in me. My Uncle Curt…he was like a big brother to me. As we have aged we haven’t exactly seen eye to eye, but who was a large positive part of my youth…from birth until my 20’s.

These people, and many others, helped shape how I think of families. While I love my blood family, I also love those people that I have invited into my life despite any biological connection. The childhood experiences have taught me that being blood does not give one a free for all excuse card to be toxic. I will invite people into my inner sanctum who I trust and have earned their way there showing their mutual love and devotion for myself and my family. A devotion that I gladly return.

I enjoy my village…the amazing blood relatives and all the bonus ones that I have been blessed with. If I do not say it enough…I love and appreciate you.

Currently listening to: “Africa”- Weezer cover

Currently Reading (for the second time): Eragon by Christopher Paolini

Book Review: Ban This Book

So a friend added me to an online book club this year. Each month has a new theme for the book to be chosen. The club came up in discussion with my son recently. I told Johnny (age 11) that February’s book club book for me was a banned book. He didn’t know what that meant…because in our house we don’t ban books.

Sometimes I read a book before them or with them so we can have discussions, but I don’t believe in banning them. In the past I have had others question choices I have made for my children. Like the fact that John read all of the Harry Potter books when he was in second grade as the latter ones can be a bit on the dark side. However when you have kids with a reading level that is much higher than their grade level, it can be a challenge to find something that suits their reading and maturity level.


A week or so after this discussion, he came to me with the book “Ban this Book” by Alan Gratz. He said that the inner monologue of the character in the book was a lot like his own. That much of it was the way he though, but not exactly the way he acted (the kiddo in the book doesn’t often say whats on their mind). He asked me to read the book and it was clear that it was important to him.


So I did.


It was wonderful. It was so witty and wonderfully written. I appreciate Mr. Gratz for helping me understand my son in a deeper way, while simultaneously helping me teach them about censorship. As an adult I found it a quick, easy, and delightful read. I would happily allow my kids to read this book, aged 9, 11, or 12. It is a bit beneath my 4 year, but I could read it aloud to him. I still think it wouldn’t be all that interesting to him. I think aged maybe 8+ is a good starting point for this book.

I appreciated that the book brought together kids of all different hobbies, backgrounds, social cliques together for a cause. It also showed how we can misjudge others or their intentions. Overall, there were some great lessons in the book. I would say that if a parent is a bit more on the conservative side, they might not like some of the words mentioned in this book. Sex and books that mention sex are mentioned in this book, so keep that in mind as it could bring up some questions.


After my son returns this copy to the library we will be buying one for our own family library. I highly recommend this book to all my mom friends and their kiddos.

The next book I am working on is The Giver, which I have found on banned lists. I have read it in the past and I just don’t get how it can be challenged, though the ban book clearly points out that the challenge is subjective to ones owns opinions.

Happy reading all.

Crafty isn’t Always a Bad Trait

Crafty is such a curious word. The actual definition meaning “clever at achieving one’s aims by indirect or deceitful methods.” Yet informally used today to mean “of, involving, or relating to the making of decorative objects and other things by hand.” I must say that I may very well be a specimen of both definitions. Alas I only wish to discuss the latter today. Sorry to disappoint.

Bachelorette Party gift I made for the bride.

I would say that over the last year I have grown a love for crafting gifts or items for others. Whether I sew them, crochet, or circuit them. I used the latter to create a personalized tote and make-up bag for a friends bachelorette gift. I also made a personalized stocking for my mom who flew out from California to be with us during Christmas.

Stocking for my mother

This last Halloween is when it really took off. I decided to hand make my eldest a costume. She decided to be Queen Elizabeth I and though not historically accurate (I have some sleeves and pieces to add), I was quite proud of what I made. I also drafted all the pattern pieces myself. I made the corset (what I’m most proud of), bum roll, and farthingale myself as well. She loved it and even won her orchestra Halloween costume contest.

The contest picture they took. The costume was still unfinished.

I listened to my children in the months leading up to Christmas so that I could pick up ideas for a handmade gift. I have decided that I will be turning this into a tradition. Each year I will make my children a gift. This year Aurora received a Wings of Fire hoodie. I think hers was the easiest this year.

The Wings of Fire themed hoodie for my daughter.

Johnny had said he wanted a green crocheted blanket. I would say this was my most labor intensive gift and it took me months. Anyone who knows this kiddo, knows how obsessed he is with minecraft creepers. The colors in the blanket reminded me of his various shades of creepers. I am so thankful that he loves it and takes it all around the house to lounge with. I also made his creeper a matching blanket.

Johnny and his new blanket.

This is the second crochet project of mine in the last 10+ years. It is far from perfect, but it is loved. I feel far more comfortable sewing than I do with crocheting. I have sewed many many times in the last 10 years and normally do 1 large project each year.

Scarlett wanted a poodle skirt. This was another simple sewing job. I actually completed it in a couple of hours. I love the way it turned out, but did need to let out the waist a tad. That is one struggle of surprise gifts, can’t just go measure the kiddos lol. As I was rushing to make this the day before Christmas, I really did not take any full pictures of it.

Pretty pink poodle skirt

I sewed William a blanket from some cool robot fabric I found. Finally I crocheted Mr. Henry a textile blanket with different types of yarn. I don’t have any pictures of these just yet, but maybe I will sneak some in.

I have so many ideas for other projects, I can’t wait to have a craft room where I can spread out and spend more time crafty all kinds of fun stuff.

Currently listening to: “Anyone” -Demi Lovato

Currently reading: The Giver by Lois Lowry

Throwback Thursday: Remember to Live

Ok so background…this blog was posted on another platform October 28th 2014. At the time we had been living in Texas for about 3 months.

To be honest, I have been feeling as though I am grasping for time, always trying to find yet another moment to steal because there is just not enough hours in a day. PREACH… ME ALL THE TIME. The university is a black hole that consumes my time with seemingly no end. So glad this is over Lately it has led me to deep discussions of what my end goal is. I didn’t figure that out until my last semester. I fear I am burning out of Chemistry. I have spent some time trying to decide what I wish to do with a career. Turns out, I just want to be with my kids.

All the while we have been in the hectic process of purchasing our new home, which has been quite the time consuming stressful process as well! DUDE…STILL. UGH I am happy to announce that the process is complete and we are homeowners yet again! If I ever have the time, I might just decorate it. AGAIN. Man…I hope this is the last time for at least a decade that we buy another house. Geesh.

Our front door, decorated for Halloween. I stopped decorating this year… Its just to much clutter in the tiny house.

Then with the kids in so many activities, we really have minimal spare time. It only gets worse. It has led to some deep pondering. In the end I have decided I will not kill myself for perfect grades. I need to enjoy the moment as well as plan for the future.  I really tried to put this into practice towards the end… and my GPA reflects it. lol

What is that future?

I think I found it. BOY WAS I WRONG

I will complete my degree in Chemistry as planned. OK..OK.. I did do that. I will minor in anthropology as well. Yup..did that too. Guess I wasn’t totally wrong. Finally when it is time for Richard to move on to his post doctoral studies, I will apply to PhD programs in anthropology. I did not do that. I was way too burnt out by the time I finished. I just wanted to go back to being a mom. Yes,  you read that correct. I’ve done some soul searching and I am enamored with anthropology. Ok so I still am.  I aim to tie my subjects together with emphasis on radio carbon dating. I love learning and talking about the past. It fascinates me. I feel a renewed sense of purpose for my education. It’s refreshing. I mean at least this helped me make it through?

Most of all though, I am going to remember to live! Still working towards this

Currently listening to: “Once Upon a Dream” -Sleeping Beauty Sound Track

Currently Reading: Ban this book by Alan Gratz (Johnny wanted me to read this)

It’s Finally Happening!!!

I have wanted to sit down and write this for a few days now, but I just have not had the time. Girl Scout Cookie season has me super busy.

After 18 months of working towards it, we signed the final paperwork for our construction loan. Best of all, we didn’t have to cut anything from our plan! Also we found a local lender that approved us for a 1 step loan.

The signed docs…blurred for privacy lol

I am so excited to share the process of the home build with y’all. We are using a local custom home builder. The original property was 13 acres, but we had it split into two and are building on the 9 acre parcel.

The survey of the property…again blurred for privacy.

It was a rainy day during signing and my anxiety was at an all time high. It was finally happening. Since the closing the dirt guy has been out, the electric company, and the water company just put our water meter in.

I cant wait until this is the view we see when we look out our front door. This will be out side yard/front yardish. I am standing in our turn around. (See below) Still have no clue what to do with the rest of the 9 acres. I’m sure dad will have an awesome idea of turning it into a beautiful land and play scape.

A picture if the open field and our woods behind it

There is still so much left to do, but we have jumped the biggest hurtles. Now I can share design choices, room layouts, etc with everyone.

The floor plan 🙂

So tell me…what do you want to see? To know more about? We want to capture everything along our journey.

Throwback Thursday: Escrow!

Ok so background…this blog was posted on another platform June 4th 2014. At the time we lived in California, but we were working to sell our home and move to Texas. I think it is a fitting post for right now as we finish up the closing of our construction loan.

I have to say this process has been an exciting but stressful one. Here I am feeling that stress all over again…albeit I have done this a couple more times in the in-between. I am currently at the stage where I am saying I am never going to buy or sell a home ever again…haha… Clearly this threat was never realized. We had home inspections today and that seemingly went well. We just need the actual report to come in and then the buyers concessions on things that need fixing or deduction, etc. I have termite inspections, septic inspections, appraisals, and some other minor things to go through. I feel the tedium of this process all over again.

However the moving date is set for July 3rd! I can not believe it and I am just hoping and praying that time flies for us. I started another class, this time online. Also would really love to hear about John’s job transfer…it would set me at ease about our entire family moving in one piece at the same time. So very thankful that the stars did eventually align and our family stayed relatively whole. It took a little time of working in another city for John and then he worked from home.

 I received a sash (actually called a graduation stole...) from the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) program yesterday to wear at the graduation. I really appreciate how much these individuals believed in me.

Here I am with these awesome graduating STEM students
My sash/stole (their official name)! (Glad I did actually know the real name)
Yes, this crazy woman is me… Yup. Still crazy

And last week we went to the beach with my awesome family. Afterwards we went out to dinner with John, who had to work that day. 

The next day my kiddos had Track and Field day. Johnny got a ribbon for participation and Aurora actually won second place in the standing broad jump 🙂

The over the weekend Aurora and I had a girl scout meeting to attend. I am co-leader and some of the girls were done with activities earlier so we had an impromptu science session! They were awed by the awesome stuff they saw under the microscope. 

Man these kids have grown so much! Time has flown by!

Currently listening to: “I don’t mind” – Usher

It’s Going Down

I’m yelling timber….you better move. Seriously though, this old shed needed to get gone.

The metal shed.

Ok..ok..it’s not really a song about demolition I know. Richard and I started the process of tearing down the metal shed, because the builders were coming to start! It is right where we want the home to go on the acerage and it is in horrible shape anyway.

The wood is just rotting away.

I must say that my favorite feature of this building is the rock that is holding it up. How or why this rock became such a supporting feature I can not say. Upon it’s back it holds the weight of the world, well shed. It’s position in life amuses me greatly.

A photo to memorialize the rock.

Demolition is such fun. Richard and I enjoyed working together to strip the metal panels from its walls. We hope to reuse the metal for other little projects. I would love to build a chicken coop and use some of the metal for the coop roof.

Richard.

At the end of day one, which was about an 1.5 hour of work, the shed was down to 1 wall and 2 small panels. We need to re-home some of the contents and throw much of it away.

End of Day 1

At the end of the next major day, they had cleared trees all around the shed. We had also cleaned out the interior of the shed, with the assistance of our awesome builder. He is a cool dude for sure.

End of Day 2

Finally on Day 3 they knocked the shed down and made some attempts to break up the concrete on that day. I was so bummed that I was not able to be there, but both my dad and builder recorded it coming down so I could still see it.

End of Day 3: Some excited kids.

For some destructive fun, check out the video of the shed coming down.

https://youtu.be/5v3R-gJd1Qw

I am so excited to see the property change day to day. I will post blogs about the various design choices, building developments, and various adventures along the way. I plan to upload a few videos as well. If you are interested in following this process, subscribe to receive notifications.

Currently listening to: An Episode of English Heritage- “How to Make Macaroni and Cheese”

Currently reading: Flame Bringer by Elle Katherine White

Yes, but no

Am I doing ok? Yes, but no. It is not a secret that I attend weekly therapy sessions. I have been seeing a therapist weekly since 2014 and it has helped immensely. I see a therapist at the Texas A&M Psychology clinic, which has had many perks. Once upon a time the largest perk was that it is right on campus where I was taking classes. This allowed me to streamline my schedule, taking less time away from my kiddos by not adding additional travel time to and from an appointment. Another feature that I loved was cost, while they do not accept insurance their program is on a sliding scale.

As for cons…One that I think many may not like, but never bothered me, was the fact that the therapists are all graduate students working their way to becoming therapists. I didn’t mind this at all and I have had some really great experiences at the psychology clinic. Their hours are slightly more limited than actual doctors offices, but as I said above I found it convenient because I was already there. Other factors one might not love is the extensive wait list they often have for care and the care one does receive is recorded for educational purposes.

I would say that by far the largest con for me has been the fact that, as one might expect, students graduate. I am not even sure I could count how many therapists I have had….let us try. There was Chris to start, I believe that was his name, followed by someone I do not remember the name of, then came Sara who just disappeared out of the blue one day, then came Nam, and finally I am starting to see Lani. So at the minimum it has been at least 5 in the 5 years I have been there. Some have lasted longer than others.

Chris was someone I was seeing for therapy for Trichotillomania, but at the time he realized my depression was far worse than I had led on. He and I made the joint decision to transfer me to another providers care to work on this. The therapist I had after him was nice and I wish that I recalled her name! She eventually moved on and I started to see Sara. I could probably write a whole page about Sara.

I clicked really well with her and I loved talked to her about life. I remember once discussing how individuals see the world and getting to the point of being able to climb that hypothetical ladder and start to see how things affect other people, how the things we say and do can be taken by them. We had a lot of great discussions and I was so saddened when she disappeared.

Disappearing is not entirely an understatement either. I had an appointment with her that week and received a call from not her, which I never had before. They informed me that I needed to reschedule as she was no longer at the clinic. I was floored and I remember that at the time I felt like I deserved an answer. I did a bit of google digging and found her Facebook and page from the college. The aforementioned find later disappeared. I never did find out what happened with her, though I do know she is alive as I can still find things about her online (which I searched now as I was thinking about it.) Honestly a part of me deep down feels like I did really deserve an answer…

The person who took over after her was the best of them all, well maybe I am a little biased as she just moved on. I worked through a lot with Nam and I really enjoyed our talks. On my last session she introduced me to my new therapist, Lani, who I have yet to have a session with yet. We have our first this week actually. At the end she handed me this solid, cool, rock and said she likes to leave all of her patients with a reminder to ground them. She said she sometimes puts an inscription on it and asked me to think of something to put on it.

Aforementioned Rock

I asked her what inscription she would put on it from our time together. She smiled back and said “Yes, but no” and I was amused. The reason is any question she asked I tended to respond…”well yes, but no.” I don’t often see things as black and white, so I hate answering questions like they are. Let’s be real, when it comes to emotions, I feel like we are constantly working through a sea of grey.

Well here’s to another year of therapy…2020 let’s see what you have for me.

Currently listening to: “Can’t get enough” -Bad Company

Throwback Thursday: Physics is designed to crush souls

Ok so background…this blog was posted on another platform October 5th 2014. At the time I was in my first semester at Texas A&M University. I believe my counselor had enrolled me in 3x more credits than I had ever taken before. We had just moved to Texas in July of that year. I had three awesome kiddos aged: 7, 5, and 3

The kiddos Fall 2014

I am DROWNING in a sea of school work and life. (I wish I had been exaggerating, but I felt so overwhelmed) If I survive this semester then I will be amazed. (Not many know that I attempted to take a couple too many pills I was on at this time. I often thought about just throwing myself in front of the bus. This experience made Richard and I very aware I needed to seek help) One would think putting so much pressure on someone like myself will only crack me. (Clearly it did, but I got myself some glue and put the pieces back together) I am in tears when I do my physics homework. I never took this course in high school and this is my first introduction to it. One might think, but Christine, your husband is a budding physicist!?!?!? (Okay so I think this fact just made it worse. He is BRILLIANT and I was not used to struggling that much. Even my father-in-law attempted to point out that he had been teaching Richard these principles since toddler-hood. He had a HUGE head start. Yet when you are that deep into it, you can’t always see the logic to these arguments.)

Yeah….he is pretty great.

Honestly, I appreciate Richard so much. He sat there as I pounded my head on our headboard (quite literally) bawling my eyes out. He walked me through the dark moments so I could survive. He did everything he possibly could to help me. He never stopped believing in me. I swear he had the patience of a saint…I was not an easy person to teach at the time.

Too true, I should be overflowing with joy at the resources before me. Yet he is kept so busy by his work and I am not an easy person to tutor. I think the pressure is getting to me and one this is certain. IF I make it through this semester, next semester I will not allow the department to load me with 16 credit hours! 😦

I used to study at her games.

That semester taught me about my limitations and how much my mental health really mattered. It wasn’t about keeping up the pace with those who didn’t have the complicated life I led, but rather going at the pace I could handle. I fell back to half time and just kept chugging at it. In May 2018 I graduated with my Bachelors of Science in Chemistry with a minor in Anthropology. I had so many amazing individuals who helped get me through it all. Some professors realized how hard wearing all the hats I did was….others had no clue. It was the amazing ones that got me through the bad times.

Oh and a life update… Richard is still a grad student and getting closer and closer to that PhD.

Currently listening to: “How does a moment last forever: -Celine Dion

Drowning

Overwhelmed and overworked…Anxiety at an all time high.

This last holiday season was rough, but wonderful. It was hard because my anxiety is at an all time high. Living in this little house already has added stress just made me feel like I was drowning a little more everyday. I have to be honest, it has been hard to drag myself out of bed. Not because I am depressed, but rather because Anxiety rears its ugly head in the middle of the night such that I can not sleep.

I worry about all of the craziest things. For example, my best friend has a railing in the second floor of her house that is a bit older so it has slightly wider rails. I woke up in the middle of the night and was worrying about this, that, and another thing. Upon these middle of the night ramblings I thought of my best friends family. She and I have babies only about 7 weeks apart in age. I started to worry that when he starts to walk and lives in the second floor of the house, he may fall. Mind you that he isn’t crawling yet and spends little to no time upstairs right now. Also I am not his parent and I know his mom will take care of the issue when the time comes. She is far less of a worrier than I am, so why am I sitting here awake at 3 am.

It would seem as I get older I get more concerned with planning ahead for anything bad that *might* happen. Which at times can be quite overwhelming as I spiral from one far fetched event to another. Does anyone else do this??

Just me

So I slept quite a bit over the holiday break, did not blog at all, and well just let my anxiety rule me for awhile. Currently trying to get myself back on track and get this anxiety in check. I used to take daily medication for this, but before conceiving my 4th child I decided to try to manage with weekly therapy. It has gone pretty well, but we all have those ups and downs. Some days its better, others its worse. Join me on the roller coaster ride if you will…

Song that I am obsessed with right now: “when the partys over” by Billie Eilish