Yes, but no

Am I doing ok? Yes, but no. It is not a secret that I attend weekly therapy sessions. I have been seeing a therapist weekly since 2014 and it has helped immensely. I see a therapist at the Texas A&M Psychology clinic, which has had many perks. Once upon a time the largest perk was that it is right on campus where I was taking classes. This allowed me to streamline my schedule, taking less time away from my kiddos by not adding additional travel time to and from an appointment. Another feature that I loved was cost, while they do not accept insurance their program is on a sliding scale.

As for cons…One that I think many may not like, but never bothered me, was the fact that the therapists are all graduate students working their way to becoming therapists. I didn’t mind this at all and I have had some really great experiences at the psychology clinic. Their hours are slightly more limited than actual doctors offices, but as I said above I found it convenient because I was already there. Other factors one might not love is the extensive wait list they often have for care and the care one does receive is recorded for educational purposes.

I would say that by far the largest con for me has been the fact that, as one might expect, students graduate. I am not even sure I could count how many therapists I have had….let us try. There was Chris to start, I believe that was his name, followed by someone I do not remember the name of, then came Sara who just disappeared out of the blue one day, then came Nam, and finally I am starting to see Lani. So at the minimum it has been at least 5 in the 5 years I have been there. Some have lasted longer than others.

Chris was someone I was seeing for therapy for Trichotillomania, but at the time he realized my depression was far worse than I had led on. He and I made the joint decision to transfer me to another providers care to work on this. The therapist I had after him was nice and I wish that I recalled her name! She eventually moved on and I started to see Sara. I could probably write a whole page about Sara.

I clicked really well with her and I loved talked to her about life. I remember once discussing how individuals see the world and getting to the point of being able to climb that hypothetical ladder and start to see how things affect other people, how the things we say and do can be taken by them. We had a lot of great discussions and I was so saddened when she disappeared.

Disappearing is not entirely an understatement either. I had an appointment with her that week and received a call from not her, which I never had before. They informed me that I needed to reschedule as she was no longer at the clinic. I was floored and I remember that at the time I felt like I deserved an answer. I did a bit of google digging and found her Facebook and page from the college. The aforementioned find later disappeared. I never did find out what happened with her, though I do know she is alive as I can still find things about her online (which I searched now as I was thinking about it.) Honestly a part of me deep down feels like I did really deserve an answer…

The person who took over after her was the best of them all, well maybe I am a little biased as she just moved on. I worked through a lot with Nam and I really enjoyed our talks. On my last session she introduced me to my new therapist, Lani, who I have yet to have a session with yet. We have our first this week actually. At the end she handed me this solid, cool, rock and said she likes to leave all of her patients with a reminder to ground them. She said she sometimes puts an inscription on it and asked me to think of something to put on it.

Aforementioned Rock

I asked her what inscription she would put on it from our time together. She smiled back and said “Yes, but no” and I was amused. The reason is any question she asked I tended to respond…”well yes, but no.” I don’t often see things as black and white, so I hate answering questions like they are. Let’s be real, when it comes to emotions, I feel like we are constantly working through a sea of grey.

Well here’s to another year of therapy…2020 let’s see what you have for me.

Currently listening to: “Can’t get enough” -Bad Company

Published by Curious Alchemist

Stay at home mom of 5, book enthusiast, amateur seamstress, and a host of other little things.

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