Ok so background…this blog was posted on another platform October 5th 2014. At the time I was in my first semester at Texas A&M University. I believe my counselor had enrolled me in 3x more credits than I had ever taken before. We had just moved to Texas in July of that year. I had three awesome kiddos aged: 7, 5, and 3…
I am DROWNING in a sea of school work and life. (I wish I had been exaggerating, but I felt so overwhelmed) If I survive this semester then I will be amazed. (Not many know that I attempted to take a couple too many pills I was on at this time. I often thought about just throwing myself in front of the bus. This experience made Richard and I very aware I needed to seek help) One would think putting so much pressure on someone like myself will only crack me. (Clearly it did, but I got myself some glue and put the pieces back together) I am in tears when I do my physics homework. I never took this course in high school and this is my first introduction to it. One might think, but Christine, your husband is a budding physicist!?!?!? (Okay so I think this fact just made it worse. He is BRILLIANT and I was not used to struggling that much. Even my father-in-law attempted to point out that he had been teaching Richard these principles since toddler-hood. He had a HUGE head start. Yet when you are that deep into it, you can’t always see the logic to these arguments.)
Honestly, I appreciate Richard so much. He sat there as I pounded my head on our headboard (quite literally) bawling my eyes out. He walked me through the dark moments so I could survive. He did everything he possibly could to help me. He never stopped believing in me. I swear he had the patience of a saint…I was not an easy person to teach at the time.
Too true, I should be overflowing with joy at the resources before me. Yet he is kept so busy by his work and I am not an easy person to tutor. I think the pressure is getting to me and one this is certain. IF I make it through this semester, next semester I will not allow the department to load me with 16 credit hours! 😦
That semester taught me about my limitations and how much my mental health really mattered. It wasn’t about keeping up the pace with those who didn’t have the complicated life I led, but rather going at the pace I could handle. I fell back to half time and just kept chugging at it. In May 2018 I graduated with my Bachelors of Science in Chemistry with a minor in Anthropology. I had so many amazing individuals who helped get me through it all. Some professors realized how hard wearing all the hats I did was….others had no clue. It was the amazing ones that got me through the bad times.
Oh and a life update… Richard is still a grad student and getting closer and closer to that PhD.
Currently listening to: “How does a moment last forever: -Celine Dion